Hillarious Quotes Maybe.
by Oluwaseun Psælmuel Shówfoelóòwèáh on Friday, September 3, 2010 at 12:14pm
Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.
P. J. O'Rourke
Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him
Marlene Dietrich
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Robert Orben
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein
Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.
James Thurber
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P. J. O'Rourke
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Fran Lebowitz
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Mark Twain
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
Mark Twain
I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
Paula Poundstone
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Mitch Hedberg
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield
I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.
Mitch Hedberg
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Bertrand Russell
I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
Dennis Miller
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
Quentin Crisp
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
Lily Tomlin
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
Laurence J. Peter
Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
Katharine Hepburn
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Philips
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Don Marquis
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
Natalie Wood
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
Henry A. Kissinger
P. J. O'Rourke
Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him
Marlene Dietrich
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Robert Orben
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Albert Einstein
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein
Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.
James Thurber
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P. J. O'Rourke
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
Steven Wright
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Fran Lebowitz
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Mark Twain
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
Mark Twain
I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
Paula Poundstone
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Mitch Hedberg
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield
I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.
Mitch Hedberg
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Bertrand Russell
I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
Dennis Miller
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
Quentin Crisp
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
Lily Tomlin
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
Laurence J. Peter
Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
Katharine Hepburn
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Philips
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Don Marquis
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
Natalie Wood
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
Henry A. Kissinger
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